Q. I’m not the man with the answers. Yet she frequently asks me what to do.
A. Even though you never have the answers, you can always tell her what to do in any given moment. Here is what you can tell her.

Q: I’m concerned I might re-traumatize my client if I ask him to do something he isn’t ready to do.
A: From my perspective, that point of view implies that the therapist knows more about this man than he does, that the therapist knows better than the man’s psyche, Mother Nature, and by extension, the creator of the universe.

Q: Give me an example of how to work through a trauma. Like when you’re hit by another car on the highway.
A: Are you thinking of something that happened to you?

Q: I’m uncertain how to work with people who were abused as children, who have been in prison, are divorced, addicts, dying, have a history of . . ., a diagnosis of . . .
Q: This client’s presenting problem is (fill in the blank). I can’t treat that. What do I know that would be of any help at all?
A: Psychotherapy is not about, “Something is wrong with that person so now we get to fix him.”

Q: I hate being a slow learner. I feel so dumb.
A: Accept that you are dumb. We are all dumb. The sooner you understand that you do not know anything, the better psychotherapist you will be.

Q: A man keeps putting the attention on me. He threatens to quit therapy if I won’t answer personal questions or if he discovers he is more spiritual than I. I reflect everything back to him but it is really difficult for me, since I would like to be more spiritual.
A: You manage to stay out of the system in session, so get out of the system outside of session. Say goodbye to this person now. Yes, here in supervision. Let go of needing him to continue to see you. In your heart, give up your attachment to him as your client. That way, he can’t threaten you with leaving. (Because your psyche thinks he’s already gone. Get it?)

Q: I want to trust myself but I get confused when one part of me says yes and another says no.
A: I’m guessing you hold the misperception that because your two parts don’t agree, one of the answers is correct and the other is wrong. Consider the possibility that each opinion comes from a part of you who loves you and that both parts believe their opinion is the best course of action for you. Consider the possibility that both answers are correct. Certainly both opinions have positive intent.

Q: An eight-year-old constantly says some version of, “Nobody likes me. I’m no good. Nobody wants to play with me. I can’t do anything right.”
A:. First of all, arrange both your attitude and the physical environment of the therapy room so that he cannot do anything wrong. (This means it’s okay if something gets broken, and no judgment from you.) Even though you might really rather begin by teaching him alternative ways to think about himself, start by going with his process. Join him.

Q: A man has come in twice now and each time repeated the same story of his wife’s sexual indiscretion.
A: And how does that impact you right now?

Q: I find it confusing to stay in the room with a particular client. His truth changes.
A: Make that a sentence about you, only.